Customer: "Make it fast. I don’t like leaving it out of my sight."
Me: "No problem. This should take just a couple of minutes."
I pop the old battery out, replace it, and reset the hands.
Customer: "Careful with the back. One scratch and it loses its value."
(I’m sitting in a class in my freshman year which I don’t particularly enjoy, mainly because of the students in it. I sit in the first available seat I see next to a guy. Note that I’m a female who likes makeup and dressing fashionably. I’m “ethnic”, and so is the guy next to me.) […]
Manager: "I thought you said you went to Mexico?"
Coworker: "I did."
Manager: "But Mexico is a desert."
Coworker: "The north is; close to the US border. Southern Mexico is actually a rainforest. I was in Cancún, so I was way down south."
Manager: "Rainforest? So you went to Brazil, then?"
I scan the first item, a bag of oranges.
Dad: "Orange you glad we started with that?"
His daughter exhales like she’s aged a year. I scan a loaf of bread.
Dad: "That's the yeast I could do!"
Customer: "Our dishwasher died, and all these newer ones are too [sexist slur equating women to being weak]! You got any dishwashers that don’t take two hours to run? I don’t have all day to wait around for clean forks!"
Customer: "I'll take two tickets for [Movie] for your 5:00 pm showing."
Me: "I apologize, sir, but [Movie] doesn't officially come out until Friday, and our first showings aren’t until the 7 PM pre-screenings tomorrow night."
Customer: *Immediately becoming irate.* "But it says you have it online! My wife saw it online!"
Last night I took an order, and on the receipt were directions to call when about five minutes out. I called, and a heavily-accented guy answered and said he ran to the store and his dad would answer the door, and to give him the phone when I got there.
When I got to the door, an old, probably in his 80s, guy answered. He certainly didn't match the accent of the caller. He seemed super confused as I handed off the phone.
Cousin: "The thing about decentralized finance is, you gotta think long-term. That’s how the big players move."
Uncle: "Last month, you said you were selling your car to invest in 'digital land.'"
Cousin: "It’s called the metaverse. And yeah, it’s appreciating."
My mom and I were at a fundraising event for Alzheimer's research. There was a lot of chatting and pleasant conversation, but one woman started dominating it all, going on about her lifestyle and how great it was, and telling us how we all should be doing these same things that SHE had discovered and surely NONE of the rest of us had ever heard of.
Customer: "Well, the sign says ‘Special Offer: £2.50’."
Me: "Yes. And that’s what it rang up as."
Customer: "But how do I know you didn’t overcharge me before I got here?"
Me: "Because you hadn’t bought them yet."
This takes place during ceramics. The project we worked on were masks. Our teacher had told us about one of his earlier classes where a student had gone to the back to retrieve their mask and broke it when they discovered a mouse underneath. At the time it was just a story, as well as […]
Me: "With all due respect, I am not going to be twiddling my thumbs in the cafeteria for five hours every Monday. I have better things to do with my time. And I'm sure so do [other students that are excused from the Monday afternoon classes]."
Teacher: "Well, [last class] is mandatory, so you'll have to figure something out."
Our son is about to move in with some of his friends, he borrows our lawnmower to use at their place because the landlord has complained that the yard is overgrown. Husband “I think he better rethink this, it sounds like they don’t care about how they live”. Me “Because they got notice that the […]
Outside the house where I grew up, there’s a shared bit of lawn between our house and the neighbour’s. The border between our property and theirs runs right through the middle, but there’s nothing to demarcate it, it’s all just lawn. My dad is pretty obsessive and in summer mows the lawn every week. Next […]
Despite my reluctance, as I am severely codependent and moderately paranoid, I’m looking for apartments or rooms to rent at my father’s encouragement to move out. I answer a few ads, and hear back from a family who want to rent out their spare room. When I go to check it out, not only is […]
I am at my temple for High Holiday services, helping out with the younger kids downstairs. While I am nonbinary and fairly androgynous, I was wearing a feminine sweater due to a lack of gender-neutral formal clothing. While the rest of the children listen to a story, when girl goes and draws by herself in […]
(I’ve gone from long hair – down to butt- to a number 3 buzz cut. It was for charity. I’ve been going on about it to my mum, who I live with, and announced that was where I was going out to get done. I have come home) Mum: “Have you done something with your […]
I am working my shift in a tech support call center when I get the dreaded Blue Screen Of Death. Me: “I just bluescreened.” Coworker: “Is that code for pooping yourself?” Me: “No, that’s brownscreening.”
(my friends and I are at a convention and are in costume. Friend 1’s costume is elaborate; long cape, very long wig, very high heels, tight skin suit and two large spheres that dangle from her wrists. They have faces, and thus have been named Jack and Percy, and friend 2 has been exceptionally precious […]
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